Friday, October 21, 2005

times changing.

It's funny how fast things really change.
It just seems like, around graduation time my life was PERFECT. Just everything was great. And then BAM! My life is falling apart. I am not achieving the goals I had set for myself. I am trying hard to but I am too exhausted, they just seem unrealistic now. I work Tuesday through Saturday for what seems like no money at all. I have classes Monday through Friday, then RCIA every Sunday morning at 8... I get no sleep. I have totally given up on my passion and love for dance and pageants. I just can't afford the dresses, lessons, or entry fees. I can't afford anything. I couldn't even afford gas to get to NY for fall break.
Sometimes I just wonder, why is all this happening to me? My family is going in debt now because of all this. My poor grandpa is going insane. I just can't believe, all that I went through last summer and overcoming that, just puts me back in the same place. Sad. I mean, how many people that I care about have to die??? Seriously, why is God doing this to me? I try to think to the positive side so much, and I pray all the time and I just don't understand why. It seems like the most awful people get everything they want out of life. I just doesn't understand. Did I do something wrong?? Today my grandpa called me phone. I thought maybe she passed away. And then I was like NO please! But then I thought, well she'd be done suffering. I just felt so sick thinking about it. He says that my grandma isn't responding to anything. She can't even sit up in a chair. Everything she says makes no sense. And it makes me so sad. I am happy that I got to talk to her last week though and she told me she loved me. She just sounded so out of breathe. This is awful.

I am going insane in school. Some teachers think that we only have one class, and that is their class. Psycology is going to kill me. I got an A on the first exam, but I completley bombed the last one. So I Have to make A's on the next two to get a B I think? I am still hoping that maybe I can get an A. I'm trying so hard to get an A in all my classes. I just feel so exhausted and I think that is where I am getting all my migranes for.

phone is ringing